Decenter Men In Your Personal Style!
As long as YOU like it.
I remember the time before "beauty" permanently altered my perception of the world.
Before dress codes dictated that our shorts be no more than two inches above our knees. When strawberries were a sweet treat after dinner and not an aphrodisiac. I could dress without worrying whether I looked "too boyish" or "undesirable" in what I wanted to wear.
This was the freedom of being human before vixen.
Each time we center men in our choices, we create another obstacle to expressing our true style. We surrender our authenticity and submit to the insidious forces of patriarchal beauty standards.
As a Black woman, I have to remind myself that Western beauty ideals were never designed with me in mind, and that I am free not to conform to them. I remind myself that my power doesn’t lie in my ability to attract, seduce, or "keep" a man.
I am worth more than my desirability.
Now, I don’t cater to the male gaze unless it serves me. This gives me total freedom in my self-expression.
My closet is my playground.
We must understand that beauty is a tool—a tool to manipulate perception and create desired outcomes within a patriarchal framework. When beauty isn’t wielded as a tool, it alienates us from our true identities and becomes a mask.
The obsession with looking beautiful, sexy, and "feminine" in every outfit confines us, objectifies us, and creates fear around embracing our truth. Performing femininity is exhausting. I don’t open my closet and ask, "How can I be feminine today?" because I already am.
Under patriarchy, beauty divides and conquers our beliefs about who we are and what we have to offer. It equates ugliness with worthlessness and unsexiness with undesirability, stripping us of our "power." Patriarchal beauty conditions us to believe we must inherit power like kings—as if we don’t possess it innately.
It also conditions us to deprioritize ourselves in our style expression. It ensures we benefit the least while doing the most for the male gaze—bypassing comfort, authenticity, and humanity for desirability.
So, bare your soul in everything you wear—whether "desirable" or not. Make your closet your playground and your style expression a priority. As you get dressed today, ensure your outfit reflects what you want to wear, not what the patriarchy tells you to wear.
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